Leave Your Lover
by ThatFilmStudent
Summary: Sirius has had enough. He doesn't want to sneak around anymore or meet in hotels. He doesn't want it to be a secret or to hide how he really feels anymore. He doesn't want to hurt people anymore. So, he asks Remus a question. Remus/Sirius. Minor RLEV/SBOC. *Mentions of Infidelity.*


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these HP characters or the song mentioned in the notes.**

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Sirius smoothly inhaled some smoke as he stared out at the city. London was a truly remarkable city. Beautiful. A sight to behold, if you asked him. Especially at night. He wasn't so fond of it during the day. It always seemed so...busy; so **claustrophobic**. Daytime London was suffocating and unfriendly. But at night, the city became an exhibition of life and new ventures. Honestly, he didn't think anything could be more entrancing than night-time London.

As he stared out at the cityscape, Sirius began to feel pensive. He found that he had never felt more safe or more at home than he did at that moment. He realised that, at that moment, he had never felt more complete. It was complex - his feelings. He felt utterly depressed but simultaneously deliriously happy; and he knew why. It was an awful feeling to be on a rollercoaster of emotions.

He exhaled the smoke as he looked out at the vast horizon. Colours spilled out from the buildings and glowed against the infinite night sky; from below, Sirius knew that the stars could not be seen. But Sirius wasn't down below. He was stood on a balcony hovering 30+ floors above civilisation. From where he stood, he could see the stars, the city and the night life.

Little blocks of light surrounded the city, enshrouding it in an atmosphere that just felt comfortable and exciting and energetic. The noise of the city was prominent: loud and obnoxious. It was urgent and so full of life that it made Sirius feel optimistic in a strange way. The city never slept, he realised. It was always there; things were always happening.

Dropping his head, Sirius looked down at the streets below. He watched as the people scurried from pub to pub, bar to bar, club to club. All completely and blissfully unaware of the war that was going on around them. All ignorant to the dangers that lurked in the shadows; oblivious to the death and destruction that he had to deal with on a daily basis.

"Padfoot?" a soft, soothing and almost melodic voice sounded.

Sirius looked up and smiled when he saw Remus stood there, dressed in only a pair of boxers and a white T-shirt. Summer in London was hot, even the nights were warm. His heart palpitated harshly against his ribcage (as it always did) when Remus smiled back and moved to stand next to him, his eyes on the city. Sirius took in another deep drag and watched Remus for a moment before he returned his gaze to the view.

He exhaled slowly, watching as the swirls of greyish blue smoke disappeared into the atmosphere. He didn't bother to offer Remus a drag, knowing the lycanthrope didn't smoke. Remus just enjoyed watching **him** smoke. Sirius didn't understand it but he didn't question it.

"What are you thinking about?" Remus asked quietly.

Sirius turned his head and studied the other wizard. Remus Lupin, he believed, was also a sight to behold. The only thing as entrancing as London at night, was Remus, he thought. As Remus stood there, dressed inoffensively and with night-time London as a backdrop, Sirius felt his heart constrict painfully in his chest. There was nothing on earth that was as **perfect** as Remus at the moment, in Sirius' mind.

Sirius stood there and stared at Remus' profile, taking in the details of his subtle beauty. He inhaled some smoke slowly as he gazed at the other man. Remus truly was beautiful, even if he didn't see it; with his unusual hazel-amber eyes, mussed hair, tall and lean physique, and Cupid's now lips. Remus' beauty went deeper than looks, Sirius knew. Remus was kind and caring, sarcastic and hilarious, thoughtful and smart.

Sirius studied Remus and felt his heart clench painfully in his chest with hurt and love. They were the same thing, if you asked him. Loving Remus was like he was slowly breaking his own heart. Loving Remus was **painful** and **amazing**. As he watched Remus, Sirius decided that he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't keep hurting people. He couldn't keep hurting himself.

He exhaled lengthily, taking his time to deliberate. He had to do it, he decided. He couldn't keep it a secret anymore. He just couldn't. The pain of loving someone as amazing as Remus and being unable to have him was becoming unbearable. He couldn't keep it in any longer. He had to ask. He had to know.

Sirius swallowed and stared at Remus, feeling his chest constrict with each breath. He stood there and took his time to admit the fine details of Remus Lupin to memory. He stared and admired Remus as if it was his last time he would ever do it. Because he knew it very well could be. With one last deep breath, Sirius finally spoke.

"Remus, if I asked you, would you?"

Remus looked at him and frowned, adorably confused. "Would I what?"

Sirius swallowed and took a quick drag before he expelled it. "Would you leave her?"

They stared at each other for a long while before Remus sighed and looked out at the cityscape again. "That's..." He paused and Sirius got the distinct feeling Remus was holding back. "That's a difficult question to answer, Sirius."

"I'd do it," he admitted, trying to keep his voice steady. "If you asked, I would leave him and never look back."

"You would?" Remus questioned, his voice small but Sirius could hear him clearly.

He nodded. "Yeah. I wouldn't even hesitate."

A small crease in Remus' brow told Sirius that he was struggling with something. "Why?"

Sirius snorted and took one last intake of his cigarette. "Why?" he repeated, smoke streaming out of his mouth. "Really? You're going to ask me why?" Remus said nothing and just continued to stare out at London. Sirius sighed and stubbed out the tab before letting the bud drop discarded to the ground below. "Remus, I love you," he said, feeling his heart thump at the words he knew to be true. "And I know I've said it before, but I mean it differently now."

Remus turned to him and stared for a moment before he spoke. "Why would **you** love **me**?"

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know," he said, looking Remus in the eye. "You're broken and you understand. You're insecure and sad and lonely. And you **understand**. I don't know why I love you, Remus. I just do. And it's your fault."

"My fault?" Remus asked, a little bit of amusement in his tone.

"Yeah. **Yours**. You made me fall in love with you. With your... Your amazing personality and beautiful looks and your perfect everything. You're not just broken. You're strong and funny and when we're together, you make me feel special."

He paused, wondering whether he should continue. But then he figured he was already invested that he might as well ruin all chances of going back to how they were before.

"You understand me more than anyone I've ever met. Your broken fixes my broken." He paused again and sniffed. "Ankou...he doesn't understand. I'm not in love with him. I never was and I doubt I ever will be," he admitted sadly.

Remus frowned and moved forward as if to comfort Sirius. But he stopped and stayed where he was. "If you don't love him, then why have you wasted the last 2 years of your life with him?" he asked tentatively.

Sirius shrugged. "To pass the time? To feel loved? Because I didn't have you? Ankou loved me. He still does, despite everything. But...I don't want to hurt him anymore." He sniffed. "He knows, you know? About us. He **knows** and he just won't leave. Every time I see him, I can see it in his eyes. It's destroying him. **I'm** destroying him."

Remus bit his bottom lip and took a calming breath. "Why are you telling me all of this?" he demanded to know softly.

Sirius smiled sadly. "Because I'm done, Remus. I don't want half of you. I don't want to hurt people anymore. I don't want to hurt **him** , anymore. He deserves better. I might not be in love with him but I do care for him deeply. I want him to be happy." He paused and prepare for the finale. "Remus, I love you. I'm **in love** with you and I want to be with you. Not like this, in **secret** in a bloody hotel. I want you, Remus. All of you. Hell, I **need** you... I want you to leave her. And be with me."

"Sirius..."

Sirius was quick to interject. "Think about it. Just... Just take a second to think about it. Think about everything that could happen if you say yes. Think about a future with us two together; of everything we could have together. It could be magnificent... If you say no, then okay. We're done. You stay with Emmeline and I'll stay with Ankou and we'll go back to how things were in seventh year - before this happened. But if you say yes, then know that I'm yours. For good. But I want you to be mine. And only mine. I don't want to share you anymore. Remus, I'll accept whatever decision you make. But, please, think about it."

Remus frowned and watched Sirius for a moment. "Are you ending things?" he asked finally.

Sirius nodded. "Yes," he said with conviction, knowing that he was in too much pain for him not to be serious.

Remus' frown deepened and he took a step forward, leaving less than a foot of distance between him and Sirius. "Why?"

Grey eyes caught and latched onto hazel-amber as Sirius urged Remus to see the sincerity in him.

"I'll be honest, Remus. I don't like looking at you and Emmeline everyday or seeing how happy she is with you and how happy you two are together. I don't like that I don't get to have that. I don't like that we're doing this to two of the most amazing people we know or that we're fucking and the going back to them as if **this** means nothing. I don't like us being a secret and I don't like hurting Ankou every time I go home smelling of you. I don't like feeling alone and irrelevant. And I don't like how, every time I look at you, my heart breaks just a little bit more because we're not together when we should be. I don't like any of this. In fact, I hate it."

Sirius tore his eyes away from Remus', feeling them stinging as he tried to keep a firm grasp on his emotions. It would do no good for Remus to see him cry or breakdown. If Remus saw that, he might say no. In all honesty, Sirius was expecting a no. Remus loved Emmeline. He was happy and, for once in his life, stable. His parents and friends accepted his life. Sirius was just that bit of extracurricular activity that seemed to be woven into Remus' life, them being friends for years. He stared out at the lovely city and watched as life went on around him.

Remus was silent for a long while after that and Sirius half expected for Remus to just leave him there without a word. For them to be over. And Sirius would have to be fine with it because, well, he decided to break it off. Sirius kept his eyes fixed on the street below, watching as drunken idiots mindlessly shouted insults at one another. It was soothing, in a way. A distraction from the lingering and tense silence.

"Do you really mean it?" Remus finally asked. His voice was quiet, barely there, and Sirius looked at him cautiously. Remus swallowed audibly and spoke louder. "Do you really mean it? You would leave him for me? You would leave that stable and reliable relationship to be with **me** of all people. A werewolf; an unstable, defeated man. You would give up a good life...for me?"

Sirius almost laughed, but he didn't. Instead he took Remus' hand in his own gently and ran his thumb over the skin on Remus' wrist.

"Of course I would. Remus, I would've left him a year ago if you'd asked me," he said truthfully. "I have never wanted something more that what I want this. Safe is boring. I want you because I know that you can make me feel like I'm actually worth something." He shrugged and smiled gently. "Besides, I know that you're not unstable. Not with me. You're always there for me. So, I know you'd never let me down."

Remus stared at him for a long while, his body still but Sirius could see his mind working behind his eyes; cogs turned and he could practically see Remus going through every possibility and outcome.

"Remus," he plucked up his courage to finally ask his question. "Would you leave your lover for me?"

Remus was silent for a little while longer, just staring back, before he leaned forward to press a chaste but heartfelt kiss to Sirius' lips. Sirius felt his heart twinge at the tenderness of it, wondering whether or not this would be the last kiss they ever shared. Deciding he wanted to enjoy it, he gave himself over to the kiss and kissed back eagerly, his arms twining around Remus' waist.

As Remus' hands came up to rest on his neck and face, he decided that he had to convey what he felt through actions, unsure that his words were enough to make Remus consider him. He pulled the slightly taller wizard closer, Remus' clothed chest flush against his bare one, and parted his lips to accommodate Remus'. He sucked at Remus' bottom lip and they kissed for a short while before Remus pulled back and stared at him.

Looking at Remus, he wondered if he'd ever be able to feel as happy or complete as he did then. Then Remus kissed him again and mumbled an, "Okay," against his lips, and Sirius' chest broke; his hearted hammered against his ribs, the air left his lungs, and his vision went hazy. Sirius kissed Remus, grinning like an idiot because that one word was enough to make his heart mend.

Sirius realised then that love and pain were one in the same. But he didn't mind. Because, now he had Remus. And he didn't have to share.

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 **A/N: This story was written from like 2AM to 4AM in the morning, and all because of a song. Well, all because of three words in a song.**

 **Inspired by: Leave Your Lover by Echos.**

 **Written: January, 2017**


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